Adoption has been a love of ours, and something we find beautiful and sacred. Just like with newborn adoption, we'd talked about foster-adoption back when we were dating although that was more briefly, to be honest.
As soon as a birthmother with other children chose us for our domestic newborn adoption plan, however, we opened our hearts to loving her whole family. We knew from the moment we met them, that her other children were precious.
Even more so, as part of our open adoption plan, we were fully committed to doing anything reasonable to help members of his biological family. I'm sure this looks different for every family who chooses open adoption, so this simply an accounting of our thoughts and choices, and is in no way the only way to do things. But for us, we adopted our son expecting him to have hard questions for us one day. To that end, all of our choices are made so that we can be confident that if and when he asks, we can honestly say we did everything within reason to love, stay connected to, and help all of his family.
When we found out our son's birthmom was pregnant again, we began to pray for her and the baby. We wondered if she might call us for help, but she did not. We saw some pictures through Grandma and had the good fortune to talk to her once about a year later, when she reached out to us for something. During that conversation, she told us that the boy's dad was a good cook and we were thankful to feel connected again.
In 2018, we found out that she and the kids were struggling, and we began to pray for direction on ways to help. We seriously investigated a few options. We also seriously tried to discern Gods will and direction for the next leg of our journey. Late that year, we sent a care package that was never received and for some reason, that small situation really propelled us in a new direction.
For years, as part of our personal philanthropy and tithe, we have donated to a local homeless shelter, a pregnancy center and a foster care organization. But, during the winter of 2018-2019, we sensed a call to action. We knew we needed to do more than just write checks; we were being beckoned to change the way we were living, fundamentally. We are uncomfortable with our comfort. Trying to put everything on the table and truly follow in the way we are called. Ultimately, I felt sure whatever the calling that I should still also be working in my current capacity.
In February 2019, we signed up with Bethany Christian Services to become foster parents and began seriously considering fostering and/or adopting. We took the introductory course which itself was inspiring and emotional, and our motivation soared.
However, the next month, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and the need for chemo, radiation and surgery became apparent. We knew Bethany required all the classes be completed within a short period of time otherwise they would need to be repeated, and so for practical reasons, we put our training on hold.
During the fall of 2019, after her surgery was completed and we had planned to revisit the conversation, we got a call from CA-Grandma and also another friend from out in CA, that the boy (now 4-years-old) had been placed in emergency foster care. I remember exactly where I was and told them both without hesitation that we would be willing to step up for this child if he needed a place to live. They each asked if I needed to talk to my husband first, and I told them that we'd already talked about it (albeit a while back but I knew where he stood on this) and I knew he would be in agreement.
And that's where this journey began. Grandma and Grandpa stepped up and took him in, jumping through all the hoops needed to foster their grandchild, and provide the stability and love he deserved. We regularly kept in touch with them, as well as the County social workers who understood our commitment to the family.
The first big court date where we thought they might consider foster placement with us was in January 2020. However, new issues were identified and the next court date 3 months later was planned.
We decided to plan an Easter vacation to Southern California for our now 6-year-old to meet his biological family and for all the boys to meet each other. Unfortunately, Coronavirus came to the US shortly thereafter and it wasn’t until June that the court was able to proceed and approve us as potential foster parents. After that, it was sent to PA ICPC and we were able to begin our home study.
As delays in PA tested my patience far beyond where it had been when the ball was in CA courts, we began to wonder what the purpose, or silver lining, of all the wasted time could possibly be.
Ultimately, in December 2020, 14 months after being initially brought into foster care, a 4th child entered our family through the gift of foster-adoption kinship care. I immediately began a leave of absence from work and have been enjoying getting to know this beautiful soul.
