"...suffering is one of the universal conditions of being alive. We all suffer. We have become terribly vulnerable, not because we suffer, but because we have separated ourselves from each other." -- Rachel Naoimi Remen

Wednesday, August 5, 2015


Forever a Family
August 5, 2015!

In an effort to commemorate a necessary and special day, I thought I'd answer some questions many people ask. 
1.  Time from baby's birth to adoption finalization: 8 months and three days :)  !
Is "Gotcha day" something you'll celebrate in your family like a birthday?  No, I don't think so.  Of course, as with all things concerning children, this is certainly subject to change if something comes along to make it more important.  For us, in a domestic newborn adoption where my husband cut the cord in the delivery room as I cheered him and our birthmother on, Gotcha day feels like it was eight months and three days ago.  Certainly, today holds the legal promise and is a reason to celebrate, but I'm not sure for us, in our family, it'll be meaningful to celebrate in an annual fashion moving forward.  For others with older children, international adoptions, children whose birthdates are unknown and various other circumstances, I'd imagine this "Gotcha day" is even more significant than the child's simple birth date, that just doesn't happen to be the situation in our individual case. 
2.  Time from beginning to end of adoption process: Almost exactly 2 years
3.  Time from first miscarriage to signing with adoption agency: Almost exactly 2 years
4.  Time from last miscarriage to signing with adoption agency: 3 months
5.  Time from signing with the adoption agency to match with our birthmother: 11 months
Why did this take so long?  Truly, God only knows.  In retrospect it was obviously because the baby who was meant for our family wasn't yet on earth.  Our agency (ANLC), like most, only works with women after they are through the first trimester.  Initially, they had quoted us an average of 9-12 months for a couple open to either gender to be matched with a birthmother.  However, the agency really has no control over this variable.  Birthmothers today have complete control over how quickly adoptive families are "picked."  Of course, our agency boasted some of the best marketing (of us as a potential adoptive family) out there and we hoped this would help a birthmother find us sooner than later.    
6.  Time we took between being presented with our adoption match and accepting that match?  1 day
Really, both my husband and I would have agreed on the phone with our liason if she would have allowed us, but she encouraged us to take the night to talk it over and be sure. 
7.  Time between match and birth? 5 months
8.  Time between baby's birth and termination of biological parental rights?  As soon as was legal.  His birthmother signed her relinquishment of parental rights as soon as she was allowed, about 28 hours after his birth.

Every state has different laws about how quickly this process can occur. 
9.  Time spent in birth state after baby was born?  7 days 
ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) dictates this.  Basically, the lawyers have to get all the initial paperwork done and then give you permission to go home. 
10.  Time it took to fall in love?  Honestly, I think we were in love with our son before he was even conceived.  When we first met him, in that delivery room, ours was an instant unconditional love, just like it had been with our first son.
In summary, so glad to finally say,

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