Optimism, according to dictionary.com, is
Whether I like it or not, Number 1 is basically a definition of me and my personality.
Okay, so Number 4 is a little off the deep end, even for me. And "predominates" and "pervades" sound just a bit strong. But, hard as I try, I cannot deny - I am an optimist. I wear the 'rose' colored glasses. The glass is half full; mostly full really, I mean really.
To make matters worse, I call myself a realist. I've often claimed to be a realistic optimist. I guess that's when you really know it's bad, you just cannot believe those naysayers.
This picture is something I saw recently on the internet, by Zhou Jixuan, and when I saw it, I instantly felt bad for those poor pessimists. I just know in my heart, that life is so much more fun as an optimist.
But of course that's not the point of this blog post....
I wonder, oh I wish, I could just not be so darn optimistic sometimes. I actually don't think that whether you're an optimist or a pessimist is much of a choice. For me anyway, it feels like how I am hard wired.
Not exactly the same thing, but I've always been a cheerleader. Although I didn't have the physical coordination or talent to actually be a great cheerleader, my "late bloomer" status through middle and high school helped me early on. Plus, I'm just naturally enthusiastic. As my best friend from college recalls well, I would cheer my teammates along while running, even if I was being lapped! (Yes, I know, this makes me sound a little crazy! -- but it's true, and I just cannot help myself.)
Maybe a nicer way to describe it, is that one of my spiritual gifts is being an encourager? But, I digress.
To the point of this blog entry, many times, through the emotional rollercoaster of our family planning, I've wished I could be more pessimistic. Building up walls to prevent further heartbreak sounds like a pretty wise choice to me. And I'm scared of another pregnancy loss, yes I am scared. But I'm also optimistic that it won't happen. And there is no good reason for that kind of crazy optimism.
After my miscarriages, more than a year ago now, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren's, which theoretically could have impacted things. To get pregnant, I had to come off my disease modifying agent over the past few months -- this alone should be reason to be wary. Instead, I can't wait to see what will happen.
Pessimists may call me a fool. Sometimes, I feel like a fool.
My husband and I are planning another pregnancy attempt. The final attempt. The all hands on deck, go big or go home attempt. And I think I probably shouldn't be, but I'm feeling optimistic.